Heard any good jokes lately?

[tigwelder56]

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think

25 to life would be appropriate. Leno



America needs Obama-care like Nancy

Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. Leno



Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Conan O'Brien



Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?

A: A fund raiser. Leno



Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?

A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.

The other is for housing prisoners. Letterman



Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean

and it started to sink, who would be saved?

A: America ! Fallon



Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?

A: Bo has papers. Kimmel



Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?

A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. Letterman

[tigwelder56]

A Little Update on the Health Care Bill



Now, let me get this straight, we passed a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president that also is exempt from it, hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, AND financed by a country that's broke. Now What the Hell Could Possibly go Wrong?

[tigwelder56]

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women





#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22...



#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on-the-road...



#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times...



#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup...



#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo....



#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space...



#4 - A gun functions normally every day of the month...



#3 - A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these grips make me look fat?'...



#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it...





....AND...the #1 reason a gun is favored over a woman...............







YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN!!!

[judgeparker]

Hey Tig

Your living dangerously with that one my friend .

[tigwelder56]

GUILTY as charged!!

[tigwelder56]

The Welfare Office



A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."



The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. WE just got a job opening from a very ...wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.



This is rather awkward to say but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.."



The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"



The social worker said, "Yeah, well, you started it."

[biglakeed]

A man dies suddenly and appears before the pearly gates of Heaven. He's greeted by St. Peter who says, "You're welcome here, but in order to get in you have to pass a spelling test". "Ok" says the man, "what's the word?". St. Peter says, "Love". The man spells "l-o-v-e" and St. Peter says, "Good, come in, but would you mind watching the gate while I take a break?, but don't let anyone in if they can't pass the test". The man says "Ok". A bit later the man's wife shows up. The man says, "Honey, what are you doing here!!? The wife says, "Well dear, I think I was just so sad when you passed away I think I died of a broken heart". The man says, "Yes dear, but in order to let you in I must ask you to spell a word". She says, "Ok, what's the word?" The man says, "Czechoslovakia"

[Rescuelurch]

Not new but it fits. last time I saw a mouth like Pelosi, it had a hook in it!

[tigwelder56]

She's one of the fish you catch and find it so repulsive and ugly that you have no choice but to cut it's head off so it won't reproduce.

[Rescuelurch]

well tig, three in a row and you got me on all three! Not an easy feat my friend! touche'