Heard any good jokes lately?

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

 

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep."



"There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't."



"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the chees."



My favorite was definetly the Obama Cabinent meal at KFC. Two thumbs up!!

 

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to Jump off a bridge so he stops. "What are you doing?" he asks.



"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.



While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity and he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"



So, she does.



After she's finished the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting! You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"



"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."

 

How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?



Wipe your dick on the curtains.

 

This video is funny. You will find it funnier each time you see it. Watch it at least twice. Click on the link below - turn up your sound - watch it full screen (best)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrinR_s_f5w